


Fuck Firewhiskey and My Low Tolerance for It

by dakato



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Harry Potter Setting, Blow Jobs, Bottom Tsukishima Kei, Drunk Sex, Firewhiskey (Harry Potter), First Time Together, Happy Belated KuroTsuki Day, Kuroo Tetsurou as Astronomy Teacher, M/M, Porn, Semi-Public Sex, Shameless Smut, Smut, Top Kuroo Tetsurou, Tsukishima Kei as Potions Teacher
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-04
Updated: 2019-11-04
Packaged: 2021-01-22 19:46:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,399
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21307598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dakato/pseuds/dakato
Summary: Kei loved his job as Potions Professor at Hogwarts. Well he loved potions. The children were okay for the most part. The Astronomy Professor is down right annoying and Kei avoided him like the plague. Though one night Professor Kuroo corners Kei in his office, just before dinner, armed with a plan and a bottle of firewhiskey.
Relationships: Kuroo Tetsurou/Tsukishima Kei
Comments: 14
Kudos: 231





	Fuck Firewhiskey and My Low Tolerance for It

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first full out smut fic <3
> 
> I apologise if my Harry Potter knowledge is a little off, I was working from memory for most of it. 
> 
> I'm super nervous about all this, so hopefully you all enjoy it ^^;;

Kei pushed up his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose as he watched a small explosion erupt from Natsu’s cauldron. He _ hated _ teaching first year students. Maybe wizarding families these days just didn’t teach their kids the basics of magic. Or maybe the generations were slowly getting less intelligent. Whatever the reason, Kei had never had a class like this one. They could hardly brew a basic antidote at this point and first semester was almost halfway finished. 

With a wave of his hawthorn wand, Kei quickly cleaned up the mess the students had made. “Class, you’re dismissed. But I’m assigning two and a half metres of _ why _ you shouldn’t add dittany when you have an open flame nearby.” A collective groan came from the first years as they gathered their things and slowly filed out the class. _ Thank Merlin it’s Friday, _Kei thought to himself as he pushed open the door to the back office of the potions laboratory. 

As he made his way to behind his desk, Kei swished his wand around to tidy up. Books straightened, quills and ink tucked away in a drawer. Lastly, as he sat down in the dark green armchair he gave a small flick towards the fireplace, igniting it instantly. Another swish of the wand produced a cup of elderflower wine in front of him. Kei grabbed the goblet and took a long swig from it, nearly downing the entire glass. He was glad that his classes ended early on Fridays. It gave him time to unwind before going down to the Great Hall for dinner and endure having to sit beside the annoying Astronomy teacher, Tetsurou Kuroo. 

Though Kei would admit that Kuroo could be worse. He could be like the last teacher, Aurora Sinistra, a shrewd and stuck up woman whom both the students and staff weren’t fond of. And Kuroo was definitely much better to look at. His issue with the other teacher, was the fact that he seemed to seek Kei out for social contact. He liked his time to himself. He liked peace and quiet. He did not like having some person chatting his ear off about everything and nothing at the same time. No matter how soft his hair looked or how snug his robe fit. Though the man seemed adept at potions, or at least seemed like he had some knowledge, Kei wasn’t too sure why he was so fixated on becoming friendly with Kei. They really didn’t have much else in common from what he could tell. Kuroo was loud, athletic, and surrounded by people. Whereas Kei usually preferred to hole up in his office or a corner of the library with a book and a cup of tea. 

But it never failed, Kuroo would find him somehow. 

Today was no different. Kei barely put his goblet down on the desk when a knock came from the other side of the door. It opened before Kei could even answer and tell them to go away. Of course, it was none other than Kuroo Tetsurou on the other side, a grin on his face and a dangerous looking bottle in his hand.

“Anything I can help you with Kuroo?” Kei eyed the man as he boldly entered the room and sat down across from Kei. 

The dark haired man kept eye contact with Kei as he placed the bottle on his desk and conjured two tumblers with the smallest flick of his wrist. _ Of course he can do wordless _ ** _and_ ** _ wandless magic, _Kei sneered. 

“Well you see,” a loud pop echoed through the room as Kuroo opened the bottle and began to pour the dark amber liquid into the glasses, “I feel like you’re the one professor here that I don’t really know. Which in itself is odd, since we’ve been sitting next to each other for meals the last year and a bit I’ve been here.” Kuroo left the bottle uncapped and slid one of the glasses towards Kei. He could smell the cinnamon without even lifting it off the desk. 

“I don’t drink firewhisky.”

“Yes I know. It’s mostly sherry or some sort of elven wine.”

Kei’s eyes narrowed. He knew more about him than Kei had thought. 

“So why bring firewhisky if you know I don’t drink it?”

“Well,” Kuroo grinned again, “I thought we could play a game.”

Kei could feel a pit in his stomach start to grow. There was a very good reason he avoided firewhisky. It wasn’t the taste or the burn it left in your throat. It was the fact that he could not keep his damn mouth shut while he was drinking it. Thankfully, only his best friend Tadashi knew about this little piece of information and was safely keeping it half a world away while breeding dragons. But now, with the amber liquid staring straight at him, Kei was starting to sweat. Could he have somehow figured this out about Kei too?

“A good game, I hope.”

Kuroo chuckled, “I only play good games.” 

The mischievous glint in the other man’s eyes made Kei even more uneasy. 

“I’m going to make a statement about you. If it’s true, you drink. If it’s not, I drink.” Kuroo explained, never dropping his gaze from Kei’s. 

“Seems a bit one sided if you ask me. I have no chance to fight back.”

Kei immediately regretting playing along, as the smirk on Kuroo’s face grew wider. His stomach sank as he realized he was walking right into whatever Kuroo was planning. Kei had just off handedly agreed to play this game of Kuroo’s so long as he had equal footing.

“You can make statements about me too. Same rules apply.”

Fuck. This was it. This was the trap. Kei knew next to nothing about the man in front of him, as he had been trying to ignore him ever since he started teaching at Hogwarts. 

“Here I thought you were just harassing me because you thought I was cute.” Kei tried to gain the upperhand, if he even had it to begin with once Kuroo had entered his office.

“Damn, you’ve seen right through me.”

Kei felt his face grow hot with embarrassment. He wasn’t used to not being in control of the conversation. This Kuroo was more devious than he let on. 

“I was under the impression you were observant. But obviously I was wrong, as you don’t seem confident enough to play this little game.”

His eyes narrowed. Kei went from embarrassed to irritated in point 2 seconds. He hated when people questioned his abilities, true or not. As a muggleborn his abilities had been questioned all his life. So that’s why, even though he hated what firewhiskey did to him, he found himself uttering two little words that sealed his fate.

“I’m in.”

✷✷✷

After almost two hours of going back and forth with statements about one another and a bottle and a half of firewhisky, Kei would wager that he and Kuroo were about the same level of intoxicated. He had known more about the other man that he had initially thought, thank Merlin for that. Though not nearly close to the amount that Kuroo had deduced about Kei. He knew all of Kei’s little quirks and habits. How he liked his tea, favourite book, his morning routine, etc. Kei might have shared more than enough himself due to the devilish liquid he was being forced to drink. He hated to admit it, but he was having fun. Kuroo was charismatic and down to earth. Definitely not what Kei was expecting. 

At some point, Kuroo had magicked Kei’s chair to his side of the desk, closer to both the fire and himself. His face was slightly numb and his thoughts fuzzy. It was clear to Kei that the firewhisky was affecting him. As he gazed over to Kuroo beside him, who was currently sipping on his drink and staring into the fireplace, he drank in the man before him. The slight grin that always seemed to sit on his lips. Even without the light from the fire, his eyes danced with passion. Kei began to fixate on the small blush that dusted Kuroo’s cheekbones. Maybe Kei could admit that Kuroo was pretty cute too. 

“You hate astronomy.” Kei smiled wickedly.

Kuroo scrunched up his nose, before he reluctantly took a sip from his glass. Kei let out a laugh. 

“Listen.” Kuroo started, slightly slurring, “Listen. I’ve grown to appreciate it.”

“Mhm, of course.” Kei’s smile widened.

“And it’s not the worst subject to teach.” Kuroo started to chuckle.

“If you say potions is, I swear to Merlin -”

Kuroo’s chuckled turned into a full laugh. “No no, I loved potions. Blowing shit up? What’s not to love.”

“You really aren’t supposed to blow things up in class.”

“Semantics.”

Kei shook his head and clicked his tongue. “So what is the worst subject?”

“Divination.”

Both men burst out laughing, “None of the kids take it seriously, so you spend ninety percent of the class time just fighting to keep their attention.” Kuroo drank again from his glass. 

“So you teach divination as well?” Kei raised an eyebrow.

Kuroo nodded and placed his glass on the desk behind them. Before he could pry further, Kuroo reached over and took Kei’s hand in his own. Kuroo made a sound of disapproval as he ran his finger over the lines of his palm. Kei was suddenly hyper aware of the calloused fingers stroking his palm. Normally he would pull back. He didn’t really like being touched, and maybe this was just the alcohol, but Kuroo’s touch didn’t feel foreign. He almost welcomed the feather-light caresses and quite honestly, it scared Kei. 

“What? Is death in my near future?” Kei dropped his gaze to the fireplace. 

“No,” Kuroo shook his head, “you have a long and deep life line. Your fate line too. You’ve worked hard to get where you are and are happy with your career. Obviously rational and dependable from your head and life lines. But your love line… this break. You’ve had heartbreak. It’s quite deep and from it’s position, I’m thinking it happened when you were younger.”

Kei stiffened at the memory of his first crush. Kageyama Tobio. He was also Kei’s first and only rejection. He had pretty much given up on any teenage romance after the embarrassment he was put through in the Great Hall. After graduation he was just too busy focusing on his studies to give any thought to romantic entanglements.

“Well I could have told you I was a bit fucked in the romance department, and not exactly in the way one would like.”

Kuroo shook his head again. “You find love eventually, some time in your twenties you’ll find someone who helps you become passionate and fills your every desire.”

Before Kei could muster up some witty retort, he felt smooth warm lips brush the inside of his palm as Kuroo leaned down to kiss his hand. He let out a small gasp but didn’t pull away. Kuroo must have taken that as confirmation to continue, as he slowly started dragging his lips up Kei’s forearm, pulling his sleeves up, exposing more skin to kiss. Every small brush of lips against him had Kei's mind spinning. Kuroo gave a small nip at the crook of his elbow, eliciting another gasp from Kei.

_ Ding. Ding. Ding. _

Kei jumped out of his seat and straightened out his robes, avoiding eye contact with the other man, who was still sitting. 

“That’s the dinner bell. We should really head to the Great Hall.”

“The kitchens aren’t serving what I’m hungry for.”

Kei’s eyes locked with Kuroo’s. Though the raven-haired man clearly had the glassy alcohol induced look in his, the passion behind them blinded Kei. His face was still slightly flushed. Kei swallowed as he watched the other man slowly rise from his chair, and sauntered over towards him. He finally stopped when his face was only inches away from Kei’s. He held his breath as Kuroo reached up and caressed his chin, staring at Kei’s lips. His mind started racing a million miles a minute. Why him? Of all the eligible people not only in this school, but in the wizarding community as a whole, why did Kuroo want him? 

But then again, why _ shouldn’t _ Kuroo want him? Kei was aware that he was above average in the looks department and well above average in the brain department. Perhaps it was the negative attitude towards muggle borns that still lingered well after the defeat of Voldemort. He had never experienced any actual hate due to his bloodline, but when it fills so much of the wizarding history, any muggle born or half blood was bound to have these subconscious thoughts. 

Before Kei’s thoughts could race any further down the dark rabbit hole, Kuroo closed the gap and pressed his lips against Kei’s. Plump. Warm. Soft. Kuroo made even the softest of kisses feel sinful. Kei could feel the other man’s hand sneak up behind his head and pull him closer to deepen the kiss. He responded with teasing Kuroo’s lips with his tongue, coaxing him. A groan came from the other man as he eagerly complied, and intertwined his tongue with Kei’s. 

Kei didn’t even realize Kuroo had been moving them as they made out until his ass hit the edge of the large desk. Normally, Kei would very much care about one, randomly hooking up with someone who he’s barely talked to and two, _ hooking up with someone in his office _. Maybe it was the mood lighting and his level of intoxication. Maybe it was the fact that Kei was in a serious dry spell. But instead of stopping the raven-haired man, Kei promptly waved the door shut and gave a flick to lock it. He could feel the grin grow on Kuroo’s face as he realised what Kei had done. Choosing to ignore him, Kei started to pull Kuroo’s robe off his shoulders. 

Helping the blonde, Kuroo shrugged his robe off and threw it onto the armchair Kei had previously been occupying. Kei’s robe quickly joined it. Kuroo went in for another kiss, this time rough and heated. A firm grip appeared on Kei’s ass as Kuroo lifted him onto the desk. Kei grabbed the other man’s tie and forcefully pulled him in for another kiss. He raked his hands through the messy black hair of the other man, giving it a slight tug. Kuroo groaned again and caught Kei’s bottom lip between his teeth. Kei sucked in a breath as he felt his pants tighten. Merlin, it really had been a while if he was starting to get this worked up. 

As if Kuroo could somehow read his mind, Kei doubted he was _ that _ good at occlumency, he reached down between them and unzipped the blonde’s trousers. The raven-haired man chuckled as Kei hissed when he slowly and deliberately grazed over Kei’s erection. 

“Fuck me.” Kei cursed through gritted teeth.

“That’s the plan, love.”

“Merlin, I hate you sometimes.”

Kuroo threw his head back and laughed. He then locked eyes with Kei, his lips red and swollen, and intentionally stroked Kei’s leaking erection from top to bottom. A traitorous groan escaped from Kei. 

“You’re an awful liar, Kei.”

This time his hand dove under the waistband of Kei’s underwear and Kuroo firmly grasped the blonde’s now very hard dick, eliciting a slew of curse words from Kei’s mouth. 

“That’s Tsukishima to you.”

“Not tonight, it’s not.”

Kuroo grabbed the waistband of Kei’s trousers and underwear, pulling them down the blonde’s long legs. Before Kei could make a witty retort Kuroo dove head first, and took Kei’s length right to the hilt in one swift movement. His hips bucked and he could feel the tip of his dick hit the back of Kuroo’s throat. He missed this feeling. The warm and moist environment encapsulating his penis. Kei’s eyes rolled into the back of his skull as the raven-haired man slowly pulled up, swirling his tongue around the shaft. A slight tickling sensation on his balls had Kei cry out, prompting him to prematurely spill into the other man’s mouth. A loud pop echoed through the room again, this time from Kuroo pulling his mouth off of Kei’s erection. He grinned, licking his lips. 

Kei’s heart was beating a million miles a minute, never pulling his gaze off the other man. He got slightly embarrassed as he noticed the small trail of cum on the side of Kuroo’s mouth. Though the other man must have felt it as he reached up and cleaned it up using his finger. As he kept eye contact with Kei, Kuroo slowly brought the finger back to his mouth and licked the cum clean off it. He pushed himself off the desk, grabbed a fistful of Kuroo’s shirt, and slammed their lips together. Their tongues danced together once again, Kei drinking in his own taste on Kuroo’s lips. 

His hands drifted down and began to unbuckle the raven-haired man’s trousers. Kei leaned his head back as Kuroo promptly latched onto his neck, lightly biting and licking the soft flesh. He felt his dick grow hard again as he felt some slight pressure circling around his hole. It was Kuroo’s turn to utter a string of curses as Kei grabbed him and began pulling on the other man’s length. In retaliation, Kei felt a single digit enter his hole, pumping in and out slowly to start stretching him out. 

Kei winced as Kuroo went straight from one finger to three, his pace gaining speed. It was uncomfortable to say the least, but Kei grew accustomed to it faster than he expected as Kuroo continuously curled his fingers upwards, stroking his g-spot. He couldn’t remember the last time he had been stretched like this. Panting, he let go of the raven-haired man’s penis and collapsed backwards onto the desk. Kei whined at the absence of Kuroo’s fingers, getting a chuckle from the other man. The blonde felt himself slide backwards, as Kuroo pushed Kei to make room for him to climb up on the desk as well. 

In one swift motion, Kuroo crawled onto the desk and entered Kei. The blonde cried out and arched his back as his body wracked with waves of pleasure. Kuroo began to lavish Kei’s throat once more, covering it in little bruises. With every thrust skillfully hitting his prostate, Kei fell further and further into bliss. He was so close to coming again. The friction of his dick between his stomach and Kuroo’s was enough to drive him mad. He could tell the other male was getting close as well. The beads of sweat across Kuroo’s brow and his low shallow breaths gave him away. Kei, though loving being torn to bits in bed, decided to try and take the reins again by uttering four little words. 

“Cum for me, Tetsurou.”

Kei smiled as he felt the man above him unravel before his very eyes. Kuroo shuddered through his orgasm, Kei following not too far behind, a warm sticky spray erupting between them. The raven-haired man collapsed on top of the blonde, breath still laboured. 

They stayed like that for a few minutes, too spent to even think of moving. Finally, Kuroo sat up, magicking themselves clean before handing Kei his clothes. He nodded in thanks as he started to get dressed, not really sure how he should proceed talking to Kuroo after the events that had just transpired. Thankfully, Kuroo always had a comment. Regrettably, he was also a smart-ass. 

“So is this going to be a regular on the kitchen menu? Not sure I can go back to boiled chicken after that delicacy.” 

Kei glared at the smirking man in front of him. He straightened his robes and headed straight for the door without giving Kuroo a second glance. 

“Not really sure you can handle eating it every day though.”

Kei glanced back at the disappointed look on Kuroo’s face.

“Though I suppose you can try.”

With that Kei turned around again, catching a small glimpse of the smile Kuroo had. One grew on his own face as he could hear the other man’s footsteps closely behind him. 

Perhaps this year might not be as bad as Kei originally thought.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed it. Comments and kudos are always appreciated. 
> 
> You can also come bug me on [ Tumblr](https://dakato.tumblr.com/)


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